I am up late at night. It is pitch black outside and there is a vast silence filling the room. Am I the only person who exists right now? This sense of loneliness becomes too real sometimes. But then the sun rises and I open the window to smell the fresh morning air. I go on about my day to discover it’s not always dark out.

I look around as I’m walking down the streets and I notice everything. I see other people’s windows and the view they get from them. The light that reflects on the wall seeping in through the trees; a man reading his book in the park. I keep walking, I turn my head to the right to look down the path. I see a dad holding his daughter’s hand whilst she tries to walk along a fallen tree trunk. There’s some soft music coming from the opposite direction; a man is painting the front door of his house and he’s got a speaker outside, I can see the wire running along his landing. I follow the crowd momentarily to try to imagine what they might be seeing. How are they experiencing this moment in time? I wonder if they have noticed the 5p coin on the floor or if they have heard that the couple we’ve just walked past can’t afford the rent this month.

The end of the day arrives and I get the train home. I stare out the window and look at all the warm lights shining in the flats. I wonder if this out of body experience I am having will always live within me. I’ve had this feeling of unsteadiness ever since I’ve the house this morning and ever since I moved out of home at eighteen. I wonder if my days unfolded similarly when I was younger, or has that circle been closed now?

Every day I walk further and further away from my childhood. I still catch glimpses of it from time to time. Was that my adult self I saw reflected on the window today?

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